My mother

My mother is an ordinary woman yet she has done so many amazing things in her life. Her parents left her only a few days after she was born in 1926. My grandparents had eloped and had run away from their family and country due to their parents’ disapproval. In a small village in South Vietnam they settled in and gave birth to a little girl – Mui. Mui means little sister. However after Mui’s birth my grandparents received the unexpected news that they had been accepted by their parents. They were then summoned back to China to get married. Yet, they were so ashamed of Mui that they decided to leave her in an orphanage in Vietnam. When my grandparents’ neighbor heard that Mui was to be given away they came and asked for the baby. Mui grew up with much love and care in the arms of her adopted parents. According to my adopted grandmother, Mui’s biological mother did come back looking for her when she was two but she was determined not to let Mui go.

When Mui was 16 years old she was married off in an arranged marriage by her parents. She had never met my father before but all girls in the village had said that he was a handsome man. Looking back at past photos my father was unbelievably good looking in his early twenties. You could not even compare his looks to the movie stars at the time. However at the time there was also a young man who was head-over-heels crazy for my mother but her parents had disapproved. He was from a rich family and therefore did not match my mother’s poor social status. I can vaguely remember this man as he came to visit us from time to time just to say hello to my mother.

My mother lived with her mother-in-law for 17 years along with all the hardship that was brought to her. My father’s mother was not a very nice person. She would make my mother suffer similar to the old-time-stories of the evil mother-in-law. My father was a bigamous person and with my two aunties from hell; my mother tried to run away and commit suicide.

After 17 years of marriage my grandma passed away. My mother finally saw her own earnings and her status within the household. At that time she had two girls, my eldest sister Nhung and my second sister Fong, and two boys, my eldest brother Kong and second brother Sing. My father’s business was growing day to day. By the time Hing and I were born his business was one of the top thriving businesses in Vietnam.

As I mentioned in the article ‘Escape from Vietnam’, my father only invested his money in the bank and his machineries. It was so lucky that my mother had saved her money through buying gold. Without her we wouldn’t be where we are today.

As far as I remember, whenever I got home from school, I always saw my mother unlike children in Australia. Nowadays children either go to after school hours care or get picked up by their grandparents. When I came home after school I would embrace her and sneakily ask her for money to buy junk food. She has never said no to me except for the time I was offered my first job in Canberra. At the time she wouldn’t let me go take the job unless I was married. She never compares her children with anyone and I am very grateful for this. There was once when I played cards on the street. She walked pass and saw me. She seized me and dragged me home. She said in a very serious voice: “Gambling is not good for you. I don’t want you to gamble.” From that minute onwards, I did not dare to gamble.

She never gave us pressure to do well in our studies. I remembered when I had to repeat grade 5. My father said: “I know going to school is hard and I can understand this. Don’t get upset and try to pass next year.” My mother said: “Yes, try hard next year.” That was it, no punishment or harsh words. When we passed our year level, my mother would pay gratitude to Buddha.

My mother has a big heart. A strong memory I have is that she often took us to orphanages, Buddhist temples, leprosy villages and nursing home to do charity. Whenever she hears people suffering, she will lend her helping hand; whenever people need her, she will be there for them. She has imprinted the importance of charity and toleration in my life. Yet to this day, I still cannot live according to this word of ‘toleration’ as I am still learning.

My mother loves her children more than herself. She helped me to look after my two children while I was working fulltime. She cooked for us most of the time until last year when she was unable to look after herself. Although she is now 86 years old and I am 50 years old. In her eyes I am still her little baby.

I am grateful to have her as my mother. Fortunately we do not have a generation gap between us. We can talk about almost anything. I am so grateful to have a mother like her. When I look into the mirror, I see her in me. I truly blessed to still have both my parents at this age.