Han Xiang, my childhood soul mate

As far as I remembered I knew Han Xiang (湯漢祥) since I started crawling. He was like my shadow. He was born a week after me. In the neighbourhood, people called him ‘Pig Intestine’ (豬大腸 Xiang sounds like intestine in Cantonese.) and they called me old crab shell. (老霞殼 Xia sounds like crab and I often wore a vest, so it looked like I wore a shell all the time.) We were good friends until I left Vietnam. We used to play a game – a queen and little pawn. I was the queen and he was the little pawn. He would bow to me and say: “My dear queen.” He then asked me to give him a kick. He was his guilty pleasure. We used to play husband and wife. I cooked and he ate. I had miniature cooking set which I could actually cook real food. I often pinched my mum’s food and charcoal to cook up a feast for him. It filled me with such enjoyment watching him eating my food. I was not sure if my food would cause him an upset stomach. When we played hid-and-seek with a large group of children, he never revealed where I was hiding. There was once when he found me, but he pushed my head down and walked passed to find another one. He was a very protective friend. Whenever people bullied me he would stand up for me. We spent many hours together after school playing roller skating. We played chasey on our roller skates. He often comforted me when I felt miserable. I told him almost everything, even my first love with Tran Sinh Duc. I think he got sick of me when I kept talking about Tran Sinh Duc. When there was a sunny day, we would take the long walk home. We walked passed a vegetable farm and he would pick some flowers for me. Whenever I eyed on someone’s toys, he would win them over for me. We often snuggled up in my parents’ bed and talked forever. I didn’t go to his house that much because his mother and brother often made fun of me and called me his little wife.

There was once after school, I waited outside Han Xiang’s school. (His school is about 10 metres away from mine.) There were three boys (Tong Tieng Hung, Chau Gia Cuong and Hua Binh Huy) followed me. I think they had followed me for a while to see what I was up to. When they saw me with him, they approached Han Xiang and asked about our relationship. Han Xiang replied that it was none of their business. He also told them to leave me alone otherwise he would do something. The three boys teased me next day saying he was my boyfriend. I told Han Xiang about this and he laughed without any objection.

The most priceless memory that I can never forget, was when he taught me how to whistle. He took many nights to teach me how to whistle, showing me how to form my lips and my tongue in the position to blow out a sound. I was a bit thick in this. He also taught me how to play table tennis.

When we were about 13 years old, he became very shy. He told me to walk home alone when we got close to our houses. He was conscious about what other people would say. To be honest, I think he reached puberty. I remembered one morning I noticed his voice had changed. I asked him if he had he caught a cold. His face turned as red as a tomato. Although he began to keep a distance away from me, he would let me jump in the queue whenever I had to queue up to buy food or stuff from the communist. He would pick the best piece of charcoal, fish, bread, rice or soft drink that I like for me before he could pick for himself.

On the night before my family escaped from Vietnam, my age group had a meeting in the local council. The intention of that meeting was to designate people to be watchdogs for those who wanted to sneak out of Vietnam. Han Xiang was assigned to watch our house. I was assigned to watch my next neighbour. During the meeting, I looked at him and wanted to tell him about my family’s escape plan, instead I swallowed all the words that I wanted to tell him. Next morning before I left our house, I saw him walking passed our home. I called out to him: “Hi, Pig Intestine.” “Yes?” he replied. We stood there and that moment just froze. I couldn’t speak; I was holding back my tears; I wanted to give him a hug and said goodbye but I didn’t. I put on a fake smile and said nothing. He gave me a deep worry look and walked pass me. That was it. That was my last time to see my best friend ever.

I reconnected back with him after I settled in Australia. I miss him very dearly. Whenever I walked from school back home, I missed my companion. I miss how he was so protective of me. I missed his jokes. I miss his unconditional love. I miss his warm smile. I miss my childhood soul mate.